WARNINGS: ANGST, YELLING, PUNCHING, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND DEATH, PAGE 250

He was supposed to be happy.

Thomas had made it to paradise, a peaceful little island the Gladers had come to call their home. And yet after three months, he still couldn’t shake the horrible voice that plagued his thoughts, the one that picked at his soul until it was almost completely gone.

“You killed Newt.” The voice would always repeat. “You killed Newt, and you didn’t even have the decency to tell Minho you killed his best friend.”

It was true, Thomas had never been able to find the strength to tell his boyfriend he’d killed his best friend, he knew he should, but how could he? Minho had known Newt since he could remember.

Newt had been there for Minho long before Thomas came along, their relationship could be compared to that of brothers.

Thomas stayed stuck between telling Minho the truth, letting him have the closure he needed and lying to the one person he loved the most to protect them both. Thomas knew telling Minho was the right thing to do, yet the fear of Minho hating him stopped him every time, he couldn’t bare the thought of losing Minho.

It wore at Thomas both mentally and physically, so much that Minho began to notice.

Minho hated seeing Thomas so broken and not able to do anything about it. But no matter how many times Minho begged Thomas to tell him what was wrong, he’d always reply with the same bullshit answer: “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

It frustrated Minho when Thomas refused to talk to him, but more than anything it scared him. Never before had Thomas kept how he felt a secret, he’d always share his problems with Minho, no matter how big or small they were.  

Minho knew he wasn’t the easiest person to talk to, he lacked the ability to share his emotions, he was quick to lose his temper, and on more than one occasion he’d told Thomas to “Shuck off” when Thomas tried to comfort him. But despite all of this, Minho wanted nothing more than to hold Thomas in his arms and listen to every problem that plagued his head, then kiss them all away.

Thomas knew Minho was worried about him, yet it only made him feel even guiltier. He didn’t deserve Minho’s compassion, after all, he was the one betraying Minho, the one hurting the person he loved.

But after three months of complete and totally misery, Thomas finally broke, he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He had to tell Minho the truth, it was eating him alive.

Thomas took a deep breath as he mentally prepared himself for the worst-case scenario. After this, Minho may hate him, he may never want to see Thomas again. The thought of losing Minho was terrible, but he deserved closure, the truth.

After mulling over every possible scenario for at least half an hour, Thomas finally emerged from the little makeshift hut he an Minho shared.

Minho stood at the edge of a small cliff, staring off into the distance, watching as the sun made it’s decent into the horizon. The dim orange light illuminated Minho’s skin, casting a golden glow that highlighted every feature of his face. Hesitantly, Thomas approached him, his stomach twisting and turning, and his brain yelling at him to go back, saying that a few more days to think the issue over wouldn’t hurt.

Thomas ignored all of it.

“Hey Min,” He said, his voice shaking, and fingers trembling as they nervously fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.

“Hey Tom, what’s-”

Minho stopped mid-sentence upon seeing Thomas’s shaking from, his face instantly contorting into one of worry. “Thomas, what’s wrong?”

“I-I have to tell you something…” Thomas admitted, his voice dropping off, not quite able to finish his sentence. “Thomas,” Minho said in a soft voice, something he didn’t use very often. “Talk to me, please.”

“I’m so sorry Minho,” Thomas let out, tears escaping his eyes, only to be stopped by Minho, who gently wiped them away with his thumb, his hand holding Thomas’s face comfortingly. “Please don’t hate me,” He whispered, his eyes looking directly into Minho’s.

“Thomas-” Minho began, hoping to put in a few comforting words to coax Thomas into finally confessing what had been eating away at him. But Thomas cut him off by wrapping his arms around Minho’s waist, nuzzling his face into the crook of Minho’s neck. He held on tightly, knowing this could very well be the last time he’d be able to be with Minho like this.

Minho was quick to wrap his arms around Thomas, soothingly rubbing his back. He could feel Thomas’s heart beating erratically against his own chest.

And with one last deep breath, Thomas whispered the three horrid words against Minho’s neck, “I killed Newt.”

Thomas felt Minho’s entire body tense up.

Minho pulled back, his eyes blinking rapidly, as if he couldn’t quiet grasp what Thomas just said, “W-What? Thomas, what are you talking about?” Thomas couldn’t seem to read Minho’s expression, yet he could tell it wasn’t a good one.

“Thomas what the hell are you talking about, you killed Newt?” Minho repeated, his jaw clenched, and his words firm.

Tears were freely flowing from Thomas’s eyes, “I didn’t want to, he-he-”

Minho roughly grabbed Thomas’s shirt, threateningly pulling him closer so that their faces were only inches apart, “What are you trying to say,” Minho spit, venom dripping from his voice.

“I found him when I was with Lawrence, but Minho, it wasn’t Newt, th-the virus, it was controlling him,” Thomas begged for Minho to understand. “He asked me to kill him, it was his last wish, he didn’t want to become a monster!”

“He was out of his shucking mind!” Minho yelled, “Why would you listen to anything he said!?” Minho roughly pushed Thomas away from him, attempting to hold back tears. “You stay the shuck away from me you selfish slinthead.” Minho said in a low and angry voice, before turning on his heals and walking away.

“Minho, please!” Thomas begged, running after him, he reached out and grabbed Minho’s arm. Angrily, Minho spun around, his fist connecting with Thomas’s jaw, knocking him to the ground.

Thomas held his jaw in shock as he looked back up at Minho.

A hint of regret flickered in Minho’s eyes, but the anger soon took over again.

“I cant believe you waited three months to tell me this! Do you know how long it took me to come to terms with that fact that Newt wasn’t with us, now you’re telling me I have to deal with the fact that he’s dead, and at the hands of you!?” Minho’s voice wavered and tears began to slip out of his eyes.

Thomas mustered up all the strength he had left in order to stand back up. “I’m so sorry Minho, I wanted to, but I was scared!” Minho scoffed at Thomas.

“Why didn’t you just get him to come back!? We could have helped him!”

“You didn’t see him! You don’t know! He was too sick, too far gone! You have no idea how hard it was for me to pull that trigger!” Thomas screamed at him. He was sobbing now, all the months of built of sadness and frustration had finally broken through the dam he built to protect himself, and it was all coming out at once. “You don’t know how hard it was-”

“Oh, I don’t know how hard it is?” Minho snapped, “Let me tell you something, shuckface. Newt tried to kill himself in the Maze, and I was the one who found him lying there, on the ground! I was the one who had to drag my best friend back to the Glade, not knowing whether or not he was going to live!”

This sent Minho to his breaking point, no longer able to hold his weight, Minho dropped to his knees, feeling something he’d never felt before… completely and utterly, broken.

Thomas was at his side in an instant, kneeling in front of him.

Minho. The one in their relationship who was the strongest when it came to tough times, was reduced to a sobbing mess. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry Thomas,” He said in between sobs. Thomas was quick to bring Minho into his arms. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” Thomas whispered into Minho’s hair.

Minho buried his face into Thomas’s chest as he hands gripped the back of Thomas’s shirt, holding on to the only thing he had left.

Thomas soothingly ran his fingers through Minho’s hair in an attempt to comfort him. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Minho, I should have told you; but we’re gonna get through this, together.”

Minho couldn’t find the words in order to form a response, and yet Thomas understood perfectly.

“I’m not going anywhere, I love you,” Thomas whipsered, tightening his grip around Minho, prepared to hold him as long as he needed.

Also posted on my wattpad, link in bio